Movie Reviews

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Solo: A Star Wars Story

By: Kevin Jordan Sorry, were you hoping to learn something interesting about Han Solo? Benign.  Rote.  By-the-book.  Fine.  Adequate.  Entertaining enough.  All are applicable adjectives to the latest Star Wars movie, Solo: A Star Wars Story.  Hell, “A Star Wars...

Avengers: Infinity War

By: Kevin Jordan Winter is here. Ten years people.  We have been waiting ten years for Avengers: Infinity War and it is finally here.  Eighteen movies and three television series later and it is finally here.  Okay, so not many people watch all three TV series. I...

Rampage

By: Kevin Jordan Keep it simple, stupid. If you were to make a list of video games you would most like to see adapted into movies, I am guessing that list would include exactly zero classic arcade games.  I have never expressed a desire to see a Galaga or Centipede...

Ready Player One

By: Kevin Jordan Whew! If you are not a fan of CGI and think that CGI is ruining film, Ready Player One might kill you.  At the very least, it will give you an aneurism or a stroke.  Possibly both.  If so, you deserve it.  I am not quite ready to devote my year-end...

Pacific Rim: Uprising

By: Kevin Jordan I’ve seen worse. Coming out of Pacific Rim: Uprising, there were plenty of moviegoers that enjoyed the film and that is cool.  There is plenty of room in our lives for big, loud, popcorn flicks like Pacific Rim: Uprising.  I, myself, enjoyed the hell...

Tomb Raider

By: Kevin Jordan We might finally have a winner. Growing up playing video games, my generation has been waiting year after year for a good movie adaptation of a video game.  Hell, we would settle for just average at this point.  The genre kicked off back in 1993 with...

A Wrinkle in Time

By: Kevin Jordan And several in my brow. Recently, I have watched a couple of classic movies with my five-year old son - Jaws and the original Godzilla (the black and white Japanese version from 1954).  He loved them and has now watched them multiple times.  And, in...

Annihilation

By: Kevin Jordan Is something burning? One of the best signs that you have just seen a worthwhile movie is you want to see it again.  It doesn’t matter if you aren’t sure whether you liked it or disliked it because bad movies almost never illicit yearning for a second...

Game Night

By: Kevin Jordan Can I play? Have you ever wanted to participate in one of those murder mystery nights with a group of people?  Yeah, me neither.  I tried it one time years ago and it was one of the most awkward memories I have.  In order for it to be even remotely...

Early Man

By: Kevin Jordan Soccer?  Really? Of all the animated films I’ve taken my son to see, Early Man is easily the weakest.  Of course, that doesn’t matter to my five-year old, so the only thing I will say about this film is if it inspires my son to want to play soccer...

Black Panther

By: Kevin Jordan You almost had it. For the first 114 minutes of its 134-minute running time, Black Panther is a really good movie.  Those 114 minutes are exactly what we’ve come to expect from a Marvel Studios movie - fun, witty, and visually excellent, with...

Maze Runner: The Death Cure

By: Kevin Jordan Running in circles. With The Hunger Games series concluding more than two years ago and the Divergent series crashing and burning with its third film, the so-called Young Adult genre has all but died in the film world.  That is not to say studios...

Den of Thieves

By: Kevin Jordan I did not see that coming. Raise your hand if you get super excited when you first hear about a new Gerard Butler movie.  Anyone?  No?  Okay, raise your hand if you loved 300 and forgave Butler for doing bad rom-coms like The Ugly Truth and The Bounty...

The Commuter

By: Kevin Jordan Like Murder on the Orient Express, but not. Happy 2018 everybody.  As we welcome in 2018, I’m hoping to spend a lot of executive time in my shithole.  If you were wishing for 2018 to be a fresh start, keep on wishing everybody.  On behalf of all...

My Year in Movies – 2017 Edition

By: Kevin Jordan Something smells rotten. Is it just me or does 2017 feel like it has lasted about a hundred years?  Between hurricanes, forest fires, racists, sexual harassers, gun massacres, and the systematic destruction of reason, decency, and ethical governing by...

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

By: Kevin Jordan A trophy for trying. I’m not sure there was any movie in 2017 for which I had lower expectations than Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.  Well, maybe Justice League.  And Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.  And Transformers: The Last Knight. ...

Darkest Hour

By: Kevin Jordan Churchill would like his soul back. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) Darkest Hour is best described as the deleted scenes from Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk. ...

The Man Who Invented Christmas

By: Kevin Jordan A tale of two stories. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) When I was in high school, I was forced to read Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities and Great...

Lady Bird

By: Kevin Jordan Let it go. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) For about eight minutes, some hay was made about Lady Bird breaking a record for the most positive consecutive...

I, Tonya

By: Kevin Jordan A little bit. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) In 1994, Tonya Harding was the most hated person in America (well, at least until O.J. Simpson went for a drive...

The Disaster Artist

By: Kevin Jordan Art has nothing to do with it. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) On my Movie Fixers podcast, we covered a movie called The Room from 2003.  It is easily one of...

Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

By: Kevin Jordan Whose side are you on? (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) About seventeen minutes into Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri, Sheriff Willoughby (Woody...

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

By: Kevin Jordan I’m not sure either side should win. As much as I look forward to many movies every year, none of them do I anticipate as much as Star Wars.  Since writing movie reviews does not pay the bills (or anything but movie admissions, for that matter) and...

The Shape of Water

By: Kevin Jordan There is a hole in your shape. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) The Shape of Water is another attempt by Guillermo del Toro to convince us he is anything more...

It Comes at Night

By: Kevin Jordan (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) It didn’t in this movie. Nothing ruins a movie quite like failing to follow through on a promise.  It Comes at Night is a...

A Ghost Story

By: Kevin Jordan Let’s watch some paint dry. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) Have you ever wondered what happens when you die?  Of course you have; you are a human person.  A...

The Post

By: Kevin Jordan Déjà vu. I’ve tried to keep politics out of my reviews, with the exception of an occasional swipe or two.  I have very strong opinions, especially in our current situation, but I know that’s not why you come here.  You just want to know how a movie...

Good Time

By: Kevin Jordan Not so much. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) I have hang-ups with titles that don’t make sense and Good Time is a textbook example.  Good Time is about two...

Battle of the Sexes

By: Kevin Jordan Double fault. (It's award consideration season and I'm playing catch-up.  As I tear through them, I thought I'd try mini-reviews.  Enjoy!) Don’t you hate it when a movie starts out strong, then withers and dies by the end?  Battle of the Sexes...

Justice League

By: Kevin Jordan Baby steps (or, I see you, Joss Whedon) You know how when President Trump gives a speech that doesn’t contain racism, attacks, lies, or ads for his properties, certain people gush over how good or presidential he suddenly is?  What’s that - too...