Movie Reviews

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Wonder Park

By: Kevin Jordan Only the best rides make you puke. Based on the previews, I was expecting Wonder Park to be much worse than it ended up being.  I am probably cutting it some slack due to my man/nerd crush on John Oliver, but it exceeded my expectations.  More...

Captain Marvel

By: Kevin Jordan Settle down, all you geeks. With the release of Avengers: Endgame rapidly approaching (just six short (LONG!!) weeks away), movie theaters are preparing for the ultimate nerd-gasm.  You might think they are prepared for this after the first Avengers...

Greta

By: Kevin Jordan Decidedly not for kids. If it seems like I have only been reviewing kid movies lately, I feel your pain.  This time of year has been unusually quiet for me in the movie department, partly due to personal travel and partly due to a dearth of movies...

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

By: Kevin Jordan There be dragons. Apparently, everyone read my rules of theater etiquette prior to the screening of How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World because everyone was on their best behavior.  Thus, no complaints and we’ll get straight to a six-year old’s...

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part

By: Kevin Jordan A PSA or Parental Service Announcement. Before we get to my son’s insights on The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, we need to review proper theater etiquette.  I am a huge Lego nerd and my enjoyment of the film was significantly diminished by people who...

The Kid Who Would be King

By: Kevin Jordan Another legend in the toilet. Walking out of The Kid Who Would be King, I was mentally justifying it:  my kid loved it (his exact words), and it is a movie for kids, so that’s all that matters…right?  But parents have to sit through these movies too,...

Glass

BY: Kevin Jordan Insert broken pun here. One of the biggest mysteries in Hollywood is how M. Night Shyamalan still has an active directing and writing career.  My friend and I pondered this question on our way to a screening of Shyamalan’s latest film, Glass.  After...

My Year in Movies – 2018 Edition

By: Kevin Jordan Resistance is futile. Is it just me or does 2018 feel like it has lasted about a hundred years?  Between hurricanes, forest fires, racists, sexual harassers, gun massacres, and the systematic destruction of reason, decency, and ethical governing by...

Welcome to Marwen

By: Kevin Jordan Why, thank you. There is such a thing as too much political correctness, but chances are high you have not actually experienced that situation.  The general rule of thumb is if someone is complaining about political correctness, that person is really...

Bumblebee

By: Kevin Jordan Are we sure this is a Transformers movie? As Bumblebee unfolded before our eyes, I had to keep asking myself if my son and I were really watching a Transformers movie.  There were no racist versions of transformers.  The movie was not exploding every...

Aquaman

By: Kevin Jordan Spoon-feeding with a comically oversized ladle. I did not think Warner Brothers and DC Films could make a worse movie than Green Lantern, but Aquaman is that movie.  The point at which Aquaman stepped on my last shred of hope was when the octopus...

Widows

By: Kevin Jordan I swear this movie could have been better. I could swear director Steve McQueen has a longer filmography.  I could swear that he has done a whole slew of movies similar to Widows.  If we are counting the more than twenty short films he has directed,...

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

By: Kevin Jordan The best animated feature of the year? I was not planning on going to see Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.  I assumed it was going to be a throw-away film aimed specifically at comic book nerds to make an easy buck.  Then, my wife asked if I was...

Free Solo

By: Kevin Jordan Do not try this at home.  Or ANYWHERE! Free Solo sounds like the sequel to this year’s Solo: A Star Wars Story; the harrowing tale of a band of ragtag rebels trying to free Han Solo from his service to Jabba the Hutt.  In truth, Free Solo is nearly...

Science Fair

By: Kevin Jordan You gotta love the idealism. In an effort to watch more documentaries this year than the zero I watched last year, Science Fair is the second I have watched (the first being the excellent Won’t You Be My Neighbor) so far.  I was very interested in...

Won’t You Be My Neighbor

By: Kevin Jordan It’s such a good feeling.  A feeling you know. Fred Rogers believed that most television programming in the 1960s - especially the content aimed at children - was loud and distracting drivel.  It was entertainment at the expense of others - pies in...

Suspiria (2018)

What year is it? (Award season consideration has returned, so my mini-reviews are back as well.  Enjoy as I rapid-fire them at you through the end of the year.) I am not quite sure what to make of Suspiria.  On one hand, I found myself nodding off multiple times...

First Reformed

By: Kevin Jordan The Thanksgiving conversation of the ages. (Award season consideration has returned, so my mini-reviews are back as well.  Enjoy as I rapid-fire them at you through the end of the year.) First Reformed is an ambitious film that attempts to take on...

Robin Hood (2018)

By: Kevin Jordan A steaming wad of everything. In what was one of the weirdest screening experiences of my movie-writing career, I saw the eighty-fourth (approximately) incarnation of Robin Hood, inspiringly titled Robin Hood.  The good news is this latest version can...

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

By: Kevin Jordan Not your kids’ Wizarding World. Remember way back in 2001 when a young Daniel Radcliffe charmed us all in a kid’s film based on a children’s book?  We thought the first Harry Potter film was a good family affair, even if it did contain snakes, child...

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

By: Kevin Jordan Ohhhhhh, dear. A couple of weeks ago, I spent the better part of eight days wandering around the various parks of Disney World.  The average temperature there this time of year is low-to-mid 80s, but we were lucky enough to experience low-to-mid 90s...

Hunter Killer

By: Kevin Jordan Not much below the surface. We are almost into award-consideration season, as movies like A Star is Born and Bohemian Rhapsody start.  We are also almost into the holiday movie season, where all of the remaining blockbusters of the year stomp all over...

First Man

By: Kevin Jordan Nerds. Have you ever ridden Mission Space at Epcot?  I have and I love it.  My wife has also and decidedly did not love it.  I think her exact words were I have a headache and I might throw up.  First Man has the same effect without requiring that...

Venom

By: Kevin Jordan Where have all the villains gone? According to IGN, Venom is the twenty-second greatest comic book villain of all-time.  I have no idea what that really means because I do not read comic books.  I would be very hard-pressed to name twenty-three comic...

A Star is Born

By: Kevin Jordan Loose strings. Immediately after watching A Star is Born, I felt satisfied.  For the past two months, I have been sitting through movies that range from tolerable to ghastly.  Recently, I was asked if I had seen any good movies lately, and my brain...

The Predator

By: Kevin Jordan Flipping stupid. Eight years ago, I was only a fledgling movie critic.  At that time, I did not have press credentials, I was not part of the Denver Film Critic Society, and I was mostly writing as part of a podcast I co-hosted about reality TV shows...

The Nun

By: Kevin Jordan Holy shit. (Their words, but who am I to argue?). My first grade teacher was Sister Julianna.  No last name - she was married to God and God does not have a last name.  Like Prince.  Which is kind of ironic when you think about how weird some...

Kin

By: Kevin Jordan I cannot explain myself. Do you know what the best Labor Day weekend box office (U.S. only) result is for any movie since 1982?  Take a guess.  Lower.  No, lower.  $30.5 million.  Now, try to guess what movie earned that number.*  You know what -...

Operation Finale

By: Kevin Jordan It is a good thing I like history. Operation Finale is the story of how a team of Israeli Mossad agents captured Adolf Eichmann, one of the top Nazi SS officers and main organizers of the Holocaust.  Eichmann was discovered living in Argentina under a...

Mile 22

By: Kevin Jordan Just brutal. As I have been thinking about what to say about Mile 22, I spent some time perusing other reviews to see what other critics have been saying.  Of note, the early-review embargo for Mile 22 was not lifted until Thursday, so pickings were...